Wonderful Cold and Finals...

I finally got over my cold and the runny nose from my last cold around Dec. 14th, and now I have another cold...figures. lol. My nose is running non stop even though I'm taking medicine and all kinds of things to stop it...right now I have some Kleenexes stuffed in my nose--even the vicks kind. lol.

School Semester 1 Finals are coming up this coming Wednesday and Thursday (20 & 21st). I'm very worried about that...I hope I pass all of them!

Last night (even though my head felt like it was being hammered from the inside out. lol) my mom and I watched the "Balance" Savvy Club DVD. That was very informational /inspirational. My mom and I both would like to write to that gal and tell her how awesome she did and how much that really made sense. Whenever this cold leaves, the ice, mud, and water dry up and disappear, I'm going to start playing with Brizzee again and I'm a little anxious to do that Pushing Passenger Lesson now. So many things made sense and "clicked" in that DVD. I would love to pet that little black "horse" too. lol.

Right now it is all ice, mud, and HUGE puddles of water here. Other than that it's a very nice day outside, unfortunately I'm stuck inside doing school. Wish me luck on the finals! lol.

Randa & Brizzee

New Year's Resolution...

Happy 2010 everybody! Phew, I can't beleive that it is already a new year...wow. I have been gone for a long time and I'm sorry about that. For an update on Brizzee: I haven't played with her much lately. I've been really busy this summer/fall. And I especially haven't been doing anything except feed after my brother passed away on the 3rd of Dec.

But, as my 2010 Resolution, I will update this blog more regularly, at least twice a month. lol. No, I will try to put up an update once a week, or more if possible.

Here are some things I would like to do this year with Brizzee:

1. Complete Online Level 2 Self Assessment.
2. Complete Liberty Level 2 Self Assessment.
3. At least complete all of Level 1 and most of Level 2 in Freestyle and Finesse Self Assessments...

There are many more things I want to do with Brizzee too, but I'm still in the process of making a list so that will come later. lol.

Anyways, I hope to update all my blogs (www.mynaturalbooks.blogspot and www.parellifromthegroundup.blogspot.com and of course this one; www.naturaljourneywithbrizzee.blogspot.com) at least once a week...

Thank you and more "Resolutions" coming later!
*~Randa~*

Crawling In A Hole...

Tell me, why can't I just crawl in a hole and disappear? I hate life. I really hate life. It sucks. You have to live through it, somehow, you ahve to somehow live through all the economics, everything it throws at you, death, and everything else only to die, what's the purpose? Why do you have to put a smile on your face and act like everything is okay, when it is isn't? I don't want to take care of the horses. I don't want to be here tomorrow! I don't want to have dress all nice, put make-up on my face and be all smiles for our friends' family to come down. I don't know them, I don't want to get to know them. I just want to cry. I'm tired of all this.

Sometimes, I feel so alone. WHo can I talk to? I can't talk to my mom or any other of my family because then they will just get upset, and how can I talk and get ALL my feelings out without them interrupting? And afterwards I know I'm going to get the "I know, but you should..." or "Trust me, Randa, I know and in time..." Blah, blah, blah. I want to know what other people are going through, too, but I don't wnat them to give me advice on what I should or shoudlnt' do. After all, what is right during this greiving stage? Is there a right way to handle it, or wrong?

Going into denial is not a right way, I'm sure, but it seems to be the one that's finding me; it's almost as if I deny it and ignore it, that means it didn't happen. But it did happen. My brother is gone. There is nothign I can do about it...

I jsut want to crawl in a hole and die for a while. I want to be away from the world for a while. Sometimes I escape out to my horse or Half Pint, since she was originally for Wes's kids, but they see me and leave. I'm sure my horse is really liking me right now from not doing anything with her for a few months, so I guess I can't blame her. Even the animals leave me, though. Sometiems I feel so alone. I also don't want to talk to my family because I don't want them to get upset even more, too. My sister and Wes were really close, that won't be fair to her.

Nights like these I just want to crawl in a hole and disappear from the world...why can't I do that? Sometimes I wonder about escaping too, running away to somehwere new, but will that help anything? Willa ll my fears just be left in the dust behind me? Life sucks. Tomorrow sucks. Isn't it bad enough that it'll be a month since my brother died, why do they have to come over? I hate this, I hate life, I hate everything!

I needed to vent...